


Deep is the Canyon

by Cali_se



Series: Deep [7]
Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Falling In Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 04:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12927666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cali_se/pseuds/Cali_se
Summary: Walt makes a decision. And then another...





	Deep is the Canyon

**Author's Note:**

> The next part in my Deep Series. Canon divergence, Walt's romantic side very much in evidence. 
> 
> Thanks again to my beta Melanie_Athene for her help with locations etc, as well as her ongoing encouragement.

The bubble bursts a few days after their return from Silver City - a huge quarrel with Skyler being the catalyst that leads Walt to turn up at Jesse's house with an overnight bag.

"It's late, Jesse, I'm sorry," he says as Jesse lets him in. "I was going to go to a motel, but..."

"What happened?"

"Skyler and I had a fight." Walt sinks down onto the sofa. "She said she knows something's going on, asked me what it was. She didn't buy my cover story for Silver City. I knew there'd be a chance she wouldn't. This has been brewing for _quite_ a while. She mentioned weed again. Asked me if I was still buying it from you--"

Jesse joins him on the sofa. "Did you tell her about us?" 

"No. She's pretty much going along with the whole midlife crisis thing at the moment. The diagnosis and all of that. Essentially, she thinks I'm losing my mind."

"What're you gonna do now?"

"I need some time to think." Walt looks down at his hands, watches his thumbs as they anxiously roll around each other. "I've told Skyler I'm going to a motel for a couple of nights, but could I stay here? Until I--" he shakes his head. "No. It's okay. Forget it. I'll get a room somewhere."

"No, stay."

"I don't want to put you out, Jesse. And there's a possibility Skyler will chance a visit now that she has it in her head that you're my dealer again. I don't want them all following her here. Marie would want to stage an intervention. God knows what Hank would do. I need to protect you."

Jesse takes his hand. "I don't care about all that stuff. I want you to stay here, with me. You already know that."

They hug each other tight, and then lean in to touch their foreheads together, their fingers entwined in Walt's lap.

"What d'you wanna do?" Jesse asks. "Get stoned?"

"That's _very_ tempting."

"I could make some coffee. We can have a couple of beers, watch TV--"

"What I'd really like to do right now is go to bed," says Walt.

"Yeah." Jesse nods. "You must be tired. I'll--"

"No. Not really all that tired." Walt meets Jesse’s gaze and finds his eyes filled with concern. 

"Not tired?"

"Not really." Walt kisses Jesse's hand, a gesture that over time has become a deeply cherished habit. “I just want to go to bed and hold you, Jesse," he continues. "Is that okay?"

Jesse nods. He stands up and offers his hand, and Walt takes it. It feels for a moment like they've swapped places. 

They eventually fall asleep curled up like spoons, Walt's front up against Jesse's backside. By the morning, Walt is on his back, holding Jesse to him, with Jesse's head resting on his chest. Walt's mind is a whirl of activity. He gently nudges Jesse awake. 

"We'll do it, Jesse," he says. "We'll go to Vegas."

***

In a moment of post-coital madness, they decide to drive, a road trip from New Mexico to Nevada. There's discussion about taking the RV, but the lure of soft beds, warm baths and hot showers proves too strong to resist. Besides, it's a bulky beast to park and a tad conspicuous - not to mention a portable meth lab.

They set off on a beautiful, bright morning. It’s still chilly first thing from the falling night temperatures, but by noon it's warm enough to ride with the windows down. After some argument - Walt prefers the word debate - they settle on the radio as their soundtrack. One thing they'll possibly never agree on is what constitutes great music. 

They pull over for coffee and a rest stop a couple of hours or so into their trip, as New Mexico relents and gives way to Arizona. Then they're on the road again for another couple of hours until they approach their scheduled stop in Flagstaff, just as Jesse’s growling stomach reminds them it’s definitely time for lunch. They decide on pizza and find a cosy little nook in a pleasant restaurant. 

"So, are we staying here tonight?" Jesse asks as he tucks into his meal.

"No. We're going to take the 180 from here and go to the El Tovar. _That's_ where we're staying. How does a night overlooking the Grand Canyon grab you, Jesse?" 

Jesse smiles and nods mid mouthful, his eyes bright. "Awesome!" 

"Good. It's so close by - seemed too good a chance to miss! We can catch the sunset. It is... something else! And the sunrise too. Although, that might be pushing it, knowing how hard it is to wake you up in the morning."

Jesse is just about to retort when a small child catches his attention across the way. Walt looks at the boy as he gazes at Jesse, a lovely big grin spreading across his tiny features. Then he glances back to Jesse and sees an answering glow of warmth and kindness that seems to light up the room. And when they start to play peekaboo, Walt is convinced he actually feels his heart melting. The child's mother comes back to the table with the handful of extra napkins she'd gone to fetch, and watches the two of them for a few moments with a fond smile. She looks at Walt now and then and Walt acknowledges the situation with a smile and a nod. The woman looks at Jesse as if he's absolutely the yummiest thing she has ever seen. She is young and pretty and so is Jesse and they're making a connection that does not include Walt. In short, Jesse is flirting. Walt watches them as he sips his water and feels a stab of jealousy deep in his guts. He wants to go. Now. And yet, seeing Jesse so alive and alight as he talks to this little child is a sight too beautiful to miss. The goodness in Jesse shines out. Walt swallows the rest of his water and bides his time, while the nagging doubt niggles at him. Soon enough the woman leaves with her child, flashing Jesse a lovely smile as she goes. When Jesse turns back to face Walt, he too is smiling. Walt raises an eyebrow as he folds his napkin.

"What?" Jesse asks.

"You're great with children."

"I love kids."

"And you're a hit with their mothers too, it seems."

Jesse grins impishly. "Yeah, well, I can't help it if I'm irresitible to hot moms."

Walt feels that sharp stab again. "I'll go settle the bill. See you outside?"

Walt strides out of the restaurant a little briskly after paying. As he reaches the car, he finds Jesse leaning against it with his shades on. 

"I was _joking_ , okay?" Jesse says. "I was just being nice, yo. She was nice, the kid was nice. It was--"

"Nice, yes." Walt leans against the car and folds his arms. "I get it."

Jesse moves closer to him. "You can't be jealous? Not after all we've been through? Not after all the things I've said?" He lowers his voice as he moves in closer still. "Not after all that amazing sex... I mean, c'mon."

They get in the car, and sit for a few moments in silence. 

"I saw how she looked at you," Walt says at last. "Saw your reaction. And," he sighs. "Well, I guess I saw a possibility.”

"I want _you_."

"I'm twice your age, Jesse."

"Who gives a shit? Most of the time I don't even notice, and the rest of the time... It's sexy, okay? Now, are we going to go find this Lodge place or what?"

Walt smiles across at Jesse as he starts up the car. "Let's go," he says. And he has to admit, as he drives away, his heart is dancing just a little bit.

***

They've shared many rooms now, of varying degrees of style and class, but the excitement of their adventure together has yet to diminish. The drive alone has already inspired awe, and the lodge is so close to the canyon, it feels as if one could open any window and reach out and touch it. Their room becomes a secret love nest almost immediately.

Jesse checks out the quality of the bed while Walt takes some time to freshen up. By the time Walt emerges, Jesse has fallen asleep. 

Walt resists the temptation to wake him up and put that 'older is sexy' assertion to the test, and decides instead to call Walt Jr. He'd made sure to talk to him before they left, to tell him he was right there at the end of the phone, anytime at all. Walt had found the right words somehow, although he'd felt his heart ache as he'd told his son more lies, keeping things from him and replacing the truth with half truths. 

Now, as Walt looks at the view from his window and hears the soft breathing of his companion as he sleeps, he longs to share this new thing he's found - this deep, unexpected love he has for Jesse, wants to shout it out loud that this young man is his. But he knows he can't. Not yet, anyway. He says goodbye to his son and then lies down on the bed and waits for Jesse to wake up.

He doesn't have to wait long. Jesse's eyes open just a few moments later. Walt watches as they focus and then find him. "Hey, sleepy head."

"Hey, old man."

"Shut up."

"You started it! How long have I been out?"

"Oh... a half hour or so." Walt leans in to kiss him. Jesse wraps his arms around him and kisses him back. It's a while before they come up for air.

"God, I still can't get enough of you," Walt says. "How the hell did we get here, Jesse? The two of us?"

"You saw me fall off a roof," Jesse states, his tone still sleepy, slightly deadpan. "And then you asked me to cook crystal meth with you, because, you know," he yawns, " _that_ was totally normal."

Walt laughs.

"And then you just couldn't control your urge to get inside my pants."

"Yeah." Walt nods decisively. "Yeah. That pretty much sums it up, I guess."

"And it's been totally awesome."

"You talk like it's over."

"No." Jesse sits up, and runs a hand through his hair. "Just letting you know, that's all. I'm going for a smoke."

"Okay."

Walt sits in the silence left by Jesse's departure for a few moments, contemplating what a rollercoaster ride it's been so far. All worth it. He picks up the hoodie that Jesse's left on the bed, and puts it up to his face, breathing in its scent. Memories of their affair flood his mind. From the bickering that had been unmasked at last as sexual tension, as they'd given in and allowed themselves to name it, to that first night at the motel. The amazing sex they'd shared from then on, sometimes so intense Walt couldn't believe its power, sometimes so gentle it pulled directly at his heart; always, always, so passionate and tender. The laughter and the tears, the kisses - oh god, those kisses! - and their weekend away in Silver City, standing together by Lake Roberts and watching the fish blowing bubbles as the stately pines danced in the breeze. Being with Jesse has completed him just when he thought, at the age of fifty, he was already complete. He'd thought his diagnosis would be the end. It's actually been the beginning of something new.

And now here they are on the very edge of the Grand Canyon, on their way to Vegas. In theory, it sounds a little ludicrous, and yet somehow it all makes sense to Walt. A new and different kind of sense. In this new and different world, with Jesse. 

They have an early evening meal in the restaurant, soon after Jesse comes back from his smoke, both of them too hungry to wait and with Walt's desire to show Jesse the sunset over the canyon uppermost in his mind. 

"Are you gonna propose to me?" Jesse teases as they receive their starters. "Am I gonna become Jesse Pinkman-White?"

"Mm, well... If anything, it would be White-Pinkman."

"That doesn't flow right. At all."

Walt smiles. "That's a moot point right now, Jesse."

Jesse face drops as he plays with his soup. "I know."

"Let's just enjoy this. Together. Please."

Jesse reaches over to take Walt's hand. "I was just kidding. Again. Okay?"

But Walt knows Jesse was only partly speaking in jest.

***

Despite the chill that's now in the air, Walt's warm as toast. He's holding Jesse to him, his arm around his shoulders, and he can feel Jesse's arm tight around his waist. 

They've managed to find the perfect spot to watch the sun setting over the canyon. Walt gazes into its vastness, the stunning canvas of the evening sky: vibrant and vital, a palette of russets and ambers. It's as if he's gazing at the very edge of the world as it falls headlong into hell below and rises up to the heavens above. The canyon reflects everything above it, changing colour with the skies as the day morphs into night and turns to gold before his very eyes. It is the closest thing to natural magic, to alchemy, he could imagine, this world of rock, nature and might. It's like looking into the very centre of the Earth.

And here, at last, with Jesse, Walt feels at one with it all. It feels as if it is filling him up, as Jesse fills him up. He cannot feel, anymore, where one of them ends and the other begins. 

Jesse turns to him. "Thanks for this. Thanks for everyth--"

Walt kisses him, pressing his mouth against his beautiful, soft lips - and cares not a damn if he's seen. 

"Remember this moment, Jesse," he says. "Remember it forever. Remember I love you with everything I have. All that I am."

Jesse nods, his eyes glistening in the magical light. Walt kisses him again, and is rewarded with a press back, then Jesse's parted lips letting him inside. He wraps his arms around Jesse's slender frame and pulls him in closer, deepening the kiss, losing himself in the pain and the pleasure; and he knows he can no more live without Jesse's kiss than the air he breathes.

That night, Walt worships Jesse's body, making love to him tenderly; touching him and kissing him all over as he murmurs sweet endearments, telling him over and over how sexy he is, how beautiful, how much he turns him on. And Jesse responds as he always does, with utter commitment and intensity, giving his all, his heart and his soul, and taking everything Walt has to give him in return. In the end they are both so lost in one another that they climax almost as an incidental occurrence, bathing their bellies with their seed as they move against each other, wrapped up in one another, kissing deeply with an all-consuming passion. 

The day has been so utterly perfect, Walt almost forgets they're only halfway to their planned destination.

They share a bath and then snuggle up and watch TV, sated and content, as they've done so many times before. But tonight Walt feels a little different. The world has shifted further on its axis and he feels that shift inside him.

"I can't believe I was so jealous today," he says, kissing Jesse's hair. "Whatever happens in Vegas, however much money we make, one thing is for sure: I love you. That is _the_ one sure thing that's come out of all this. So... I'm not going to even think about getting it out of my system, finding a way back. That's not what I want. The way I see it, I have three options: give you up and get my marriage back on track, lie to Skyler and continue to see you in secret, or come clean and commit to you, no more pretence, no more lies." Walt takes a breath. "I realised tonight that I _have_ to choose the last one. In fact, it's not even a choice anymore." 

Jesse meets Walt's gaze, his eyes brimming with tears. 

"Will you run away with me, Jesse?" Walt says, tracing Jesse's cheek with his fingers, his voice steady, belying the pounding of his heart.

Jesse opens his mouth to answer, but the words seem to die away before he has the chance to form them. In the end, he doesn't need to say a word. His kiss says it all.


End file.
